Are you a strict shoes-off household or do you, like me, cringe at the idea of asking guests to leave their footwear at the door? It's a controversial topic, I know.
I totally understand the logic behind the no-shoes rule some households abide by, and I would certainly never refuse to take off my shoes if asked – but I just don't like it. There's something that feels a bit insulting about the whole thing. I mean, what's wrong with my shoes? Obviously if they were caked in filth, I'd take then off without being asked. I wouldn't go ruining your beautiful carpet with clumps of mud. I used to have a friend who insisted that shoes were left at the front door, despite sharing her home with three very hairy, slobbery dogs – my socks would be covered in fur and drool when I left. It just didn't make sense.
To put the issue to bed, I decided to speak to a range of experts, both from the world of good etiquette as well as a top cleaning guru. So, just who is in the right in the great shoes-off debate?
Is it rude to ask guests to remove their shoes?
Whichever camp you fall into, let's start by looking at what the experts had to say about asking guests to remove their shoes at the front door, before allowing them into your home. To my mind, it could be seen as a little unwelcoming.
Etiquette expert Laura Windsor, aka 'The Queen of Etiquette', advisor for Netflix's Bridgerton Series and a Queen Elizabeth II Commonwealth Trust Leader, offers her take on the matter.
"Taking shoes off when entering someone’s home is not traditionally considered a cultural norm in the UK. However, many people are now adopting this practice, as it helps keep the home clean and prevents outside dirt from being brought indoors.
"If you are inviting guests to your home and would prefer shoes to be removed, it is wise to mention this in advance," adds Laura. "Doing so helps avoid embarrassing situations for guests who may not expect it – particularly if they happen to have holes in their socks."
Jo Hayes, a world-leading etiquette expert and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org, agrees that homeowners are quite entitled to ask guests to remove their shoes, with one exception.
"This rule usually only applies to individual guests, or, perhaps, a very small number of guests. If you’re having a big party at your home, this rule is not going to fly. It’s a bit off to invite 80 people to your home for a cocktail party, and then ask them to leave their shoes at the door. It ruins the whole vibe.
"If your home isn’t suitable for a shoe-wearing cocktail party crowd, don’t host such a party – or host it outdoors or in an area of your home where shoes are okay," adds Jo.
Laura was the onset etiquette advisor for Netflix's Bridgerton Series and is a Queen Elizabeth II Commonwealth Trust Leader. Her role within this organisation is to cement effective and meaningful relationships among Global Leaders; enhancing cross-cultural communication skills, sensitivity and appreciation. Laura is a trusted advisor to international celebrities and Royal Families in the Middle East, consulting on the best behaviours and protocols in everyday living, providing confidence-enhancing skills for life for both adults and children. Laura is also a personal stylist and personal shopper for HNWI worldwide.
Jo Hayes is a world-leading etiquette expert and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org. She is the world’s only etiquette consultant with academic research to her name, having completed a Masters research thesis on manners and modern etiquette. Jo is also a Speech-Language Pathologist specialising in social skills training. She regularly provides international media commentary on a range of etiquette, protocol and relationship topics.
How do you ask guests to remove their shoes politely?
If you want guests to remove their shoes, you are likely going to be keen to do so in a way that comes across as polite, after all, causing offence before visitors have even stepped into your hallway is never a good thing.
Jo Hayes has some tips on how homeowners can approach the matter in a way that won't offend. "Demonstrate with your own behaviour. Welcome them at your door with no shoes on. Additionally, a shoe rack at the front door (either inside or outside) sends a clear message that this is likely a ‘no-shoes’ house. It also provides a spot for guests to deposit their shoes.
"When you greet them at the door, after initial niceties, a kind, calm and clear request is needed if the guests haven't already taken off their shoes, or asked if they should," continues Jo. "Something like 'I hope you don’t mind, we’re a no-shoes household’ is usually enough for the guests to respond with, ‘Oh! of course, no problem’. Really, no guest should balk at this request. It’s perfectly reasonable. Depending on the situation, you may offer a set of house slippers if this will make the guest more comfortable."
Shop for shoe storage
With eight storage compartments and a padded bench, use this to keep a few house slippers for guests to wear, or to hint to the fact that you are a shoes-off household
This slimline shoe store has four drop down sections and would fit neatly into even a small hallway and hides shoes out of sight
Store coats and shoes with this two-in-one hallway storage solution that has hooks and a bench with lift-up seat to store shoes below
Should visitors offer to take off their shoes?
If asking guests to remove their shoes isn't rude, how about when the tables are turned. Should, as a visitor to someone else's home, I be offering to take my shoes off? I actually do this, but I still feel a little disgruntled when they say yes.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This means, for guests, take into consideration the house standards and rules that your host has in place, and behave accordingly," picks up Jo Hayes.
"Use common wisdom, intuition, be courteous and considerate. If in doubt, ask, 'would you like me to take my shoes off?' Many homes operate with this rule – and for good reason. Shoes bring in a huge amount of dirt and grime – and, especially for carpeted areas of the home, shoes-off helps keep everything nice and clean."
Good point. But, doormats are there for a reason. Surely a thorough wipe suffices? And even then, surely cleaning a carpet once in a while in a bid to keep your guests happy isn't too much of an effort?
Stylish doormats to encourage cleaner footwear
This scalloped doormat is a fun way of welcoming your guests and provides a place to wipe dirty footwear
Place this jute mat inside your home for a second opportunity to clean shoes
Is wearing shoes indoors unhygienic?
Which brings us nicely on to this next point. If your guests are checking their shoes and giving them a good wipe before trampling on in, how much harm does wearing shoes indoors actually do?
Lynsey Crombie, the UK's No1 home expert and TV presenter, is well-placed to advise here. "From a cleaning point of view, I completely understand why many homeowners prefer a no-shoes policy. Shoes can bring in all sorts from outside including mud, bacteria, grass, pollen and general dirt, especially during wetter months. If you’ve just cleaned your carpets or mopped the floors, the last thing you want is muddy footprints straight through the hallway.
"For homes with babies crawling around, allergy sufferers or light-coloured carpets, asking people to take their shoes off can definitely help keep things cleaner for longer," continues Lynsey.
"I also think people are much more conscious nowadays about hygiene in the home. We spend so much time cleaning and creating calm, comfortable spaces that naturally many homeowners want to protect that environment," she says. "In homes with carpets, rugs or soft furnishings, outdoor shoes can quickly make things look tired and worn, particularly in high-traffic areas."
I'll admit that the carpet in my living room is looking a little worse for wear thanks to this being the main route from the front door to the rest of the house. But how about in homes with hard floors?
"If you have tiled, laminate or wooden floors, I personally think it matters a little less, because those surfaces are generally much easier to clean," says Lynsey. "A quick sweep, vacuum or mop usually sorts things out, and many modern floors are designed to handle everyday wear and tear. In those homes, asking people to simply wipe their feet properly on a good-quality doormat can often be enough to prevent most dirt coming indoors."
Lynsey Crombie @lynsey_queenofclean is the UKs No. 1 home expert and TV presenter. Lynsey's website www.queenofclean.blog is packed with cleaning hacks, tips and advice. Lynsey's best-selling book 'The 15 Minute Clean' is available to buy from Amazon.
Shoes on or off? Who's in the right?
I'm starting to think there is no right or wrong here. I guess it is just personal opinion and Lynsey Crombie's point about the effect shoes can have on carpet is a good one. However, she is also keen to point out that you do need to weigh up hygiene vs hospitality.
"For some people, asking guests to remove their shoes can feel a little uncomfortable or overly formal, especially if visitors feel self-conscious about their socks or simply weren’t expecting it," says Lynsey. "Hospitality is about making people feel relaxed and welcome, so some homeowners would rather guests feel comfortable than worry about taking their shoes off at the door.
"I think there’s definitely a middle ground too," she continues. "Some families have a strict no-shoes rule upstairs or on carpets, but are more relaxed in kitchens or dining rooms with hard flooring. Others keep indoor slippers or spare socks available for guests, which can make the whole thing feel more welcoming, rather than awkward.
"Personally, I think homeowners should do whatever works best for their household without feeling guilty about it," adds Lynsey. "If removing shoes helps you maintain a cleaner, calmer home and reduces cleaning time, then it’s absolutely reasonable to ask politely.
"Equally, if you’re happy for guests to keep their shoes on and you don’t mind the occasional extra sweep or mop, that’s completely fine too," she notes. "At the end of the day, homes are there to be lived in and enjoyed. Whether shoes stay on or come off, it’s about finding a balance between cleanliness, practicality and making people feel at home."
If you feel uncomfortable about asking guests to remove their shoes but don't want to be cleaning more often than is needed, take a look at the hallway flooring ideas that offer the most resilience to dirt. Or, if shoes off is a non-negotiable, make sure your hallway storage ideas have spare space for additional footwear.
