Confessions of a Self-builder

It’s always very nice when, at Homebuilding & Renovating Shows or elsewhere, people thank me for all my years of writing and speaking. You’d imagine it would make me bigheaded, but the strange thing is that it has quite the reverse effect — I feel quite humbled.

At the recent South-West Homebuilding & Renovating Show, as Linda, my wife, collected me from the ‘Ask the Experts’ stand to get some lunch, a couple advanced. The man looked quizzically at me for a moment before extending his hand. “It’s David Snell isn’t it?” he asked. “We’ve built our house and we’d like to say thank you for your writings, which we’ve followed throughout.”

After the chat, Linda and I proceeded outside to pick up one of the pasties that came highly recommended by fellow Experts and speakers, Michael and Jason (H&R’s Editor-in-Chief, and Editor). As we prepared to walk back, another couple approached us. “It’s David Snell,” the lady said, but she wasn’t that concerned with me for she had her eyes on Linda. “And this must be the longsuffering Mrs Snell. How do you put up with it? All that moving and never getting your own way. Surely you want to stand up to him sometimes and fight for what you want?”

“She wouldn’t dare,” I joked.

“You can’t say that sort of thing in today’s world,” she laughed.

“On the contrary, madam,” I replied. “I’ve got away with it for nigh on 40 years and I’m not going to stop now.”

We laughed and talked for a while, but after the conversation was over, I reflected on what had been said. Yes, it must seem a bit dictatorial when Linda doesn’t get what she wants in our self-builds. But she is the first to recognise that many of the homes we’ve built, and particularly the last four, aren’t intended for us. They’re meant for the market — many of our self-builds are a means to an end.

But the time when we can finally build a home that’s for us and for us alone is approaching. And perhaps it’s time to crystallise what we both want in our future home. It’ll be a bungalow — on that we are both determined. It won’t just be any old bungalow. It’ll look interesting from the outside. Yet experience with our second-to-last self-build – which one member of the H&R staff described as a ‘railway carriage’ – has made us realise that there are merits in a simple design, both in terms of cost and in the way the house performs. In eight months, including snow-bound days where external temperatures fell to -10°C, it cost us just 1,000 litres of oil to keep the central heating and hot water on 24/7, with a minimum of 20°C in any room of the house.

The house will also be of modest size, with only two bedrooms. Our children with grandchildren live barely three miles away and our other daughters rarely visit together, so we just need one spare.

We do need an office, as I intend – and I apologise in advance – to keep on writing for as long as I have any wits about me. But I don’t want it in the house. It was in the garage at the bottom of the garden three houses ago and I liked the separation — and the fact that I had to ‘go to work’. But this time the office must have toilet facilities!

And Linda needs her workroom, which in emergencies could always double up as another bedroom. She would also like a room to do her pottery in but, as that can be a bit messy, it will probably find its way into an outhouse. Another thing we both agree on is our master bedroom. Like those in all our previous three homes, it will not be smaller than 6m x 4m, and it will also have its own en suite.

We have to think about sanitaryware. I like baths and Linda likes showers. She’ll have her walk-in shower in the en suite and I’ll have my bath in the main bathroom. We’ll also have underfloor heating — we wouldn’t do without that. Most of the common and wetroom floors will be tiled, but the lounge will have an engineered oak floor and the bedrooms will be carpeted. I’ve given way on that last one. So that’s where we agree. Still open for debate are the lounge and the kitchen worktops. I like vaulted ceilings — I know they’re not ‘cosy’ but I just love the light which pours in through a cathedral window. Linda’s still not sure. She wants normal ceilings. I did think about giving in, so long as the lounge could adjoin a vaulted- ceiling conservatory, but I soon realised that it wouldn’t give me the light I craved. We may be able to compromise with just higher-than-average ceilings. I’ve already conceded the rug in the centre of the room, and I’ve said that she can have a woodburning stove. How much further can a man go?

And the worktops. I love granite — it looks and feels good. But Linda hates having to polish it up all the time because, and I can’t deny it, in certain lights it shows up every smear. Neither of us like Corian® or timber, and I’m never going to agree to melamine.

We’ll come to a democratic decision in the end. And, if it’s a tie… well then I’m sure I’ll get the casting vote.

“Not on your nelly!” exclaims Linda.